A friend of mine was kind of pissy with me the other day when I didn’t agree with her assessment of me. She sarcastically said she was a firm believer in the theory of three selves: the self you think you are, the one other people think you are, and the one you really are. Clearly a direct hit, but I liked it. I am a firm believer that one should always look in the mirror before casting stones. I think this is a good time in our isolation to really go deep within ourselves and take a long hard look in the mirror.

She got me thinking about a woman that I used to work for many years ago in a hair salon on 2nd Avenue and Saint Marks Place in NYC. This is when Saint Marks was a vibrant strip, teeming with artists and colorful culture. There were antique clothing stores, like Sids, Trash, and Vaudeville; Manic Panic, the Grassroots bar, Sounds music, really cool hair salons like Hair-Power, Dojos, to name a few. And this was just on one street, Saint Marks between 2nd & 3rd Avenue. It was an electric and thriving creative community. This was clearly before gentrification destroyed it. I will never forget that woman’s words forty years ago, when I was in my 20s, which were as powerful then as they are today. Although she was a bit pretentious (I will not say her name if you know her, you know her), she was a recovering alcoholic, and very smart, talented, and creative.  She said, “look in the mirror. At the age of 20 you have the face that God gave you, at the age of 40 you have the face that you gave yourself and at the age of 60 you have the face that you deserve.” So look deep in your mirror and whatever age you are just sit with that for a few moments. And if you are 20, or in your 20’s, you may want to look really hard and ask yourself where you are heading. How do you treat yourself? Does it make you feel good? If you are 40, you may want to look at yourself and see what you are doing to your body. What are you putting in your body? How do you behave and treat yourself? 

How do you behave with other people? Do you hold onto grudges, stress, and are you always angry? Do you dwell in the negative? 

No matter your age these are really important things to think about. Because when you hit 60 you want to be proud of who you are and how you look. The face that is looking back at you in the mirror is it the face that you deserve? If not, remember it is never too late to make changes. To me, it is a clear reflection of your growth. Daisaku Ikeda says,” We have both a weak self and a strong self; the two are completely different. If we allow our weak side to dominate, we will be defeated. The thought, “I am still young and have a lot of time, so I can relax and take life easy” is a function of our own weakness.” Youth is beautiful, it truly is, but most of us do not even see it until we are much older, which leads to the famous expression “youth is wasted on the young.” I think it is very true, and it is why so many people have so many regrets. But I think it’s when you hit your 40’s, 50’s and 60’s that you’re really alive. This is the time that you are truly living. So how do you respect yourself? Because when you respect yourself, you respect others, you respect the universe, and you respect the ancestors. When you have a lot of self-respect you achieve happiness within. If you notice nothing else today, you should know that there is nothing that can make you happier than life itself—the breath that we take, that is truly everlasting happiness. And if you do not believe in that, then there is no better time than during this pandemic to awaken to life. These are very difficult times and there are many people that do not have the luxury of time during this pandemic. And I not only admire their strength, but I am filled with gratitude and deep appreciation for all that they are doing to keep us all safe. So, if all you can think about is going out and how miserable you are being stuck at home, then you’re missing the whole point and you’re missing the opportunity to reset yourself, discover yourself, make friends with yourself. This is a fabulous opportunity to allow yourself to make changes within. This time is precious and it can teach you so much about who you are as a human being. It is a once in a lifetime event where you totally have no control. And if you’re having a difficult time it’s understandable because it’s something you probably have never had to do. I encourage you to read one of my favorite prayers for guidance. It’s the serenity prayer: 

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” You do not have to be an alcoholic or a drug addict or in recovery to believe in these words. They are the most honest and  encouraging words that I have ever heard; they speak to the soul. Feel these words, hear these words, live these words and you will experience happiness within. President Ikeda says “the one step we take today will create the future. Whether old or young we advance. Let’s hold high the banner of “justice” and our “shared struggles” together with our successors” Peace, Sandra

“Always speak the truth boldly, saying what needs to be said no matter whom you’re addressing. When it comes to championing a just cause you must never be cowardly, never fawn, never try to curry favor.”…Daisaku Ikeda

I am a runner and I have a little 5-pound Maltese dog named Zoey, who I call “Z,” who is also a runner. That’s right, she runs and she is fast and she easily goes 3 miles. She can do more but I have to be the responsible parent and know when enough is enough. She also lets me know if she has had enough and I gladly pick her up and place her in my front carrying pouch and continue with my run. For all you naysayers she has been checked by the vet several times and, like her mother, she has a low resting heart rate which is a defining characteristic of a “runner”. Yes, we are runners! Because some dogs are small and seem delicate doesn’t mean they cannot run or would  not like it. She happens to love it and I love that she accompanies me every day on my runs. Now here comes my rant. Those of you that have read any of my posts know one of my worst fears is falling. As such, my biggest pet peeve is dog owners who have the extendable leash. I am sorry if you fall into this category. I hate them—the leash, that is. I find those are the pet owners who have no regard for others around them. I cannot tell you how many times lately I have nearly fallen because these pet owners think it is perfectly okay to let their pet cross in front of me, WHILE I am running. My dog runs at my side, so she cannot cross in front of me. And I certainly would never allow her to cross in front of anyone else. She is tight by my side and she understands the word “focus” to mean exactly that. These pet owners tend to snicker when I go hobbling a few steps to catch my footing and to also keep my pup from getting hurt. For some reason, I do not yell at them.  I’m not sure why. Sometimes, I say something to them and it is usually “Hey!” I do have these fantasies, however, of taking a pair of scissors with me on runs and cutting every extend- a- leash I see!. Maybe one day I’ll actually do it. Lol. I really do hate them. But I do feel sorry for the dogs who are at the end of those leashes since  it is probably the only exercise they get. Besides Seniors or those with a disability, these leashes tend to be for couch potatoes, who cut corners even when they walk their dogs. This may sound a little harsh, BUT sorry, not sorry, my blog my words. If you are offended, maybe you will be a little more responsible when using them.  Join me in my protest “hey, ho extend-a-leash has got to go “…repeat chorus 3x Enjoy☮️

2020! Wow!!! It truly is amazing to enter a brand new decade. How exciting.!!! Daisaku Ikeda says “ a life lived without purpose or value, the kind in which one doesn’t know the reason why one was born, is joyless and lacks luster. To just live, eat and die without any real sense of purpose represents a life pervaded by the world of animality.” Now you can agree or disagree with that quote. I think we can make the argument for both. I am an optimist, so I choose to disagree with it. How many times in my life have I wondered why I was born? OMG, I cannot count. But that didn’t mean my life was joyless. As a matter of fact, I have had a very colorful and joyful life and it certainly hasn’t lacked luster. It certainly has not been an easy journey but nonetheless, it’s my journey. And my journey, THIS journey, has taught me and continues to teach me so much about who I am.  I may not really know the reason why I was born (does anyone really?), but I do know that I am so grateful for being born and that I am grateful to be alive. I love my life so much and all those in it. And there may not be a real purpose in that, but I do know I wouldn’t change a thing.  As I enter this new decade, this new chapter of my life, I am in awe of the possibilities it has to offer. I have entered with fresh eyes and excitement for new beginnings. We may never really know what our purpose or value is and perhaps that is okay. As long as we take the journey, which is one step at a time. Peace, Sandra

I really have been having a difficult time putting pen to paper. I think of everything that is going on in the world and it is really hard not to be a “negative Nancy”. It really is. So what do I do? I revert to my angel cards to motivate my thoughts.  The card I chose is “play”. I kind of said aloud, really! Then I did something I do not normally do, I put the card back in the mix, shuffled them really well, chanted a very quick “Nam Myoho Renge Kyo,” and what card did I draw again? “Play.” Wow!  Now for me, there is no question that I will never do that again. Lesson learned. I have always been a fast learner, so I like to believe. It made me think about what is missing in my life. For me, it really is thought provoking because my life is absolutely fabulous. It really is. I am blessed with so many wonderful miracles, the kind of miracles that happen here and now every day. All you have to do is really listen and you will know them. Pay attention they are often so subtle unlike the miracles of surviving tragedy, those are easy to understand. The subtle ones are the most complicated because it is often in hind-sight that they are recognized and to me, that is when I hear people full of regrets.  If you try to keep your mind and heart open you can see them and appreciate them in the moment that they are happening. Not as hard as people make it seem. So once again, I digress as I often do. LOL, You would think my angel card was “miracle” but it wasn’t it was “play”. Something I vow to do more of. I am going to leave you with a wonderful quote from Daisaku Ikeda, “Even in times of hardship, the important  thing is for each of us to determine that we are the star, protagonist and hero of our lives and keep moving forward.” The Moon is in Sagittarius 2nd house expand your mind, broaden your horizons. Peace…Sandra

It has been a little over a month since my siblings and I threw our mother a party for her 86th birthday. We figured, what the hell? Why does it have to be a birthday milestone deemed by society? I believe anything over 80 is a milestone in its own right, so I am really happy we celebrated. Mom got to see some of her friends and, best of all, we all reconnected with my dad’s side of the family. They always loved her–even after my parents divorced. I am actually writing this blog because of that party, and, more than anything, because of my cousin Christopher. As I was helping to serve food, my cousin asked me, “hey, how come you haven’t blogged? I really enjoy reading it.” I just looked at him and said, “writer’s block,” and then said, “I plan on starting again.” It really made me feel good that he asked. Writing for me had always been a form of escape, especially when I was younger. It really was a form of escaping from myself. Boy those were some truly rough years. Now, it is a form of connecting and staying connected to myself and the world.  And although the years are going fast and I am getting older, these are the best years of my life, such a cliche. But it is true. I always hear people say they wish they could go back to their younger years, and I say, “hell no.”  You couldn’t pay me enough money to go back there. I admit, I wouldn’t change a thing from my past because my past certainly has made me who I am today, and I am grateful and blessed in ways you could not imagine.  But I have no desire to go back and that is partly because then I would have to do it over exactly the way it unfolded, otherwise I wouldn’t be me. I am not unique in any way there are so many of us who have a very dark and painful past. I think what is unique is how we navigate our past into our now.  And for me, it’s all about expectancy and isn’t it funny the angel card I chose was “expectancy.” No lie! I have this optimistic expectancy about life itself. It is a true and pure feeling of being alive in the moment.  Nothing special has to be going on. It is just a pure connectedness to self. The awareness is so strong that you can see yourself almost as an outsider, and that is not always pleasant. But there is the beauty, because then you can really work on those areas that need improving. And let’s face it, no matter how together you think you are, there is always room for improvement. I believe that is the true fountain of youth. Because with improvement comes growth, and with growth comes change, and change is the only constant in life. How unfortunate and sad are those who are stuck in the revolving door of life? But my motto is and always will be “at any given moment you can make the change or changes you want.” As I often say, the beginning is always where you are and there is no better time than the moment you are in. Moon is in Capricorn, pay attention to the foundations of life. Peace, Sandra

I have these Angel cards that were given to me over 20 years ago by this woman, Suzanne. We waited tables together down in the Soho NY area when there was still a vibrant artist flair there. I had done Suzanne’s astrological chart and I didn’t accept any money so she bought me these Angel cards. I keep them in a beautiful brass & crystal ashtray. It was one of the items I kept after breaking up with my first partner, Sherril. Her mom collected brass and I always loved this piece. Although we were both smokers at the time, we never used it as an ashtray. No one did. She said I could keep it, and now that she is gone for almost 4 years (she died of ovarian cancer in 2014) it has taken on a different sentimental value. We had remained the best of friends. Getting back to my Angel cards, I am not going to pretend that I am an expert on them because I am not. The only thing I think I know is that you are not supposed to buy them for yourself. Over the years, sometimes weekly, sometimes monthly, I choose a card and pray/chant on it. It makes me feel good. So I decided to write about my chosen card. I am not sure why I haven’t thought of this before, but then again I believe things happen for a reason. There is a cause and effect to life. For anyone who snubs this or wants something more than the words on this blog. Forget it! You will not get it. Sorry! My blog, my words. As I always mention, I do not pretend to be an expert on anything. It is my opinion based on my experience. So my word for the week is “Understanding”. I promised myself I would not throw any word back in the pile and re-choose a different card if I did not like the one I chose. I sometimes do that. But that is the past and this is the present. I like my word. I think we live in a time where people are less understanding. I do not think people even want to try and understand. They are so quick to judge. If something is uncomfortable they want instant solutions. Watch others when you are in a conversation with them trying to make them understand a situation or anything for that matter. If you are really present and you pay close attention, you can see that they are so up in their head preparing a retort that they end up missing out on most of what is being said. Maybe you even do this. It’s terrible to be like that. Understanding is the key to life. It’s layered and woven in the very fabric of our souls. We all want to be understood. Songs have been written for decades about being misunderstood. But how can we understand if no one is willing to listen? Not all of us are lyricist, writers etc. A lot of us end up having to pay someone to listen to us so we can feel better knowing someone is helping us understand what we need understood. I certainly am not against therapy. I myself have been a therapist. But wouldn’t it really be nice if we can put our shit aside and really pay attention to our surroundings and those in it and make the efforts to understand without judgement? Why are we as a people losing compassion. Understanding and compassion go hand-in-hand. Okay!!! I am going to go there, how can you “make america great again” if you lack compassion? I do not see it. It’s impossible. You may think this post is very simplistic but it’s not and I welcome anyone to try to give me a simplistic answer. You can’t because this shit is complicated. If we do not do something about it starting with ourselves we will lose one of the greatest gifts of life: our humanity. The Moon is in the NE 1st Quadrant in Aquarius , it is a really good time for humanitarian pursuits. Hmm now isn’t that fitting. Enjoy ☮️

It has been months since I have put pen to paper. Call it writers block or just uninspired; nonetheless, I’ve come up blank these last months. In November I turned 60 years old. I have been waiting a couple of years to enter this decade. To me it is the decade of bringing everything that I have learned (good and bad) together. The ultimate embodiment of congruency. Something I so deeply believe in. And as a runner I pride myself on bringing the mind, body, soul experience together as one. I have heard cliches all my life and I have my favorite ones that I often use. So over the summer time when my partner was offered a position to teach at one of the top universities in the country, almost 1000 miles from our NYC home, I had to take a deep breath and remind myself of one of those cliches: “go with the flow.” I was and still am very excited and supportive of a decision that we made together. Yes it is a challenge, but we are making it work. We are the ultimate LTA couple (living together apart.) We laugh, we cry, we fight, but more than anything we love. Besides, we both agreed this is just a stepping stone so if another position were to be offered 300 or even 500 miles, it will be a walk in the park for us. LTA leaves me with a lot of time to think and to miss, not only my partner but my dog who had to accompany her across the miles. I started thinking how nice it would be to get a little dog for company, one that can fly back and forth with me. I had been thinking about this for a long while, especially over the summer while spending time with my sister and her little Yorkie, Chanel. I knew I wanted a small dog from a reputable breeder. I started to do lots and lots of research—on toy dogs, dogs that do not bark, dogs that can stay alone, active dogs, nonactive dogs. My research was extremely broad. I narrowed it down to dogs under 10 pounds and hypoallergenic. I just could not do another dog that sheds. My OCD has been in overdrive these past 10 years. I further narrowed it down to a Yorkie or a Maltese and since I am extremely affectionate, the Maltese won. Being in no rush I read and reread everything I could about the Maltese. There is way too much information out there and a lot of negative information too. Truthfully if I believed in everything I read by these so called experts, then I, and everyone I know, do not deserve to have a dog. So I stopped reading except for those posts that came from real parents of the Maltese whose background was not so distant from mine. Four weeks before my 60th birthday my partner sent me links to two breeders. It was Monday evening, right before retiring to bed that I saw HER on this one breeder’s site. There she was, a 4-week old female Maltese still available with no deposit on her. The very next day I called the breeder and asked what I had to do to assure them I was serious. They told me and I obliged. All the stars and planets aligned. And on November 3rd, 2 days before my 60th birthday, my little Zoey was in my arms. She is a dream. I absolutely adore her. So getting up at 4 am every morning to spend time with her before my morning run is effortless. But putting her in her crate for an hour and then coming home from my run and having to put her back in her crate once I leave for work is torture for me not her. So here I am a runner who NEEDS to run in the biggest dilemma of my life. How do I run and when do I run? I am tortured in tears with the Nike slogan going in and out of my mind “just do it” “just do it”. Okay I will just do it but when? I am a mile chaser not a speed racer, so how am I supposed to get those miles in? I have been doing the same running routine for over 10 years. I sit and think, “what am I going to do,” while throwing the ball back and forth, at 4 in the morning, as Zoey just runs back and forth as happy as can be. Then the light bulb goes off: what if I run Zoey? Surely she can run—dogs love to run! But she has such little legs. However, they say the Maltese needs exercise. I won’t tell anyone but I will try it. I will pay close attention to her and if I see she cannot do it, I will stop. I will start her off with a half mile and see how she does. Then I graduated to a mile and she was fine. I decided if I can get her to do 3-to-4 miles then I can do splits during the week and as many miles as I want on weekends. I can break up my mileage since now I will be running 7 days instead of 6. I have it mentally all figured out. I do it. I take her on her first 3 mile run. I stop and pick her up and she wiggles to get down. There is no way she is being carried. I have created a runner. She is my running partner. And on those days she cannot run because it is raining or snowing, I realize wow she is me. We both are runners. The Moon is in Taurus 1st quadrant and its trine the sun. A time of balance and harmony. Enjoy☮️

I am a runner who runs religiously 6 days a week. I log between 40-50 miles per week. I see all types of runners. Running is nonjudgemental. If you pay attention and really listen carefully, running will point out that area in your life that needs your attention, whether it is your mind, body or soul. Running is that powerful. It is unlike any other activity. When I did the Boston to New York AIDS II bike ride back in 1996, at any given moment you could be riding next to a brain surgeon or an artist or a general laborer. There was such a togetherness, a oneness. That unity was beautiful and powerful. Running provides that every time you lace up and go out the door. When you pass another runner you are one. There is nothing more invigorating than a hot, sunny and somewhat breezy run along the river. The sun rays, drop of sweat, racy thought are unique in themselves. That’s because each moment is never the same. Running is in a constant state of change, just like life. So change what you seek and you will seek what you change. When you run, you change and almost always emerge stronger and wiser. Namaste! The moon is in Capricorn, northern hemisphere, splash pattern. Pay attention to life. Enjoy!☮️

While doing my early morning 10 mile run along the river, I was reflecting that I do my best thinking on my runs. Do you live your true self or do you struggle with your every day behavior and the person that you want to be? Deep down inside lies your true self even though you say daily you’re going to behave differently and yet you don’t. What a disappointment. And so goes the revolving door. How then can you let your true self take front and center? Awareness. Not of your behaviors, awareness of your emotions. It is your emotions that cause you to act differently. Once you recognize the emotional behavior then you can begin to do things differently. With awareness comes choices. You can choose to behave differently or stay in the dance that you know so well and are very comfortable in. I call it the madness. One of the problems with awareness is that it shifts you even if you do not want it to. You cannot un-know something you know. It also is a lot of work and requires you to be present everyday. You have to show up for yourself. You have to do the work and most people do not want to. But there is no greater moment to take action than the moment you are in. I can guarantee one thing, when you’re one with yourself, at the end of the day when you lay your head down to sleep you will not have all that mental chatter that keeps you tossing and turning. The Sun is in the Northern Hemisphere with a dominant NW 2nd quadrant, houses 4, 5 & 6 (awareness of others who can provide something that they cannot obtain for themselves.) Moon in Aries-courage but foolhardiness, in the 4th angular house-inner desire for peace but you have to go beyond the personality to find it. Enjoy☮️

There  is so much hate, violence and darkness in the world today. It can dampen the spirits . Therefore, it’s more important than ever to see the beauty that surrounds you. You need to see the beauty and embrace the beauty.  Let it fill up your senses: hear its whispers, see its light, taste its energy, feel its strength, smell its calmness and most of all  hold it close to your being. Breathe in the beauty so that it can flow through your organs and weed out the negativity and replace it with light. There is so much beauty around us, you just have to be open to it and its miracles. Today’s planets occupy the Southern Hemisphere with a strong SW quadrant, houses 7, 8 & 9. This is a time where people can have a strong objective consciousness with awareness of others, without being judgemental. It’s a good time to be mentally challenged and around like-minded people.  The Moon is in Libra…enjoy its gentelness and beauty. ☮️…