Clarity

It has been a little over a month since my siblings and I threw our mother a party for her 86th birthday. We figured, what the hell? Why does it have to be a birthday milestone deemed by society? I believe anything over 80 is a milestone in its own right, so I am really happy we celebrated. Mom got to see some of her friends and, best of all, we all reconnected with my dad’s side of the family. They always loved her–even after my parents divorced. I am actually writing this blog because of that party, and, more than anything, because of my cousin Christopher. As I was helping to serve food, my cousin asked me, “hey, how come you haven’t blogged? I really enjoy reading it.” I just looked at him and said, “writer’s block,” and then said, “I plan on starting again.” It really made me feel good that he asked. Writing for me had always been a form of escape, especially when I was younger. It really was a form of escaping from myself. Boy those were some truly rough years. Now, it is a form of connecting and staying connected to myself and the world.  And although the years are going fast and I am getting older, these are the best years of my life, such a cliche. But it is true. I always hear people say they wish they could go back to their younger years, and I say, “hell no.”  You couldn’t pay me enough money to go back there. I admit, I wouldn’t change a thing from my past because my past certainly has made me who I am today, and I am grateful and blessed in ways you could not imagine.  But I have no desire to go back and that is partly because then I would have to do it over exactly the way it unfolded, otherwise I wouldn’t be me. I am not unique in any way there are so many of us who have a very dark and painful past. I think what is unique is how we navigate our past into our now.  And for me, it’s all about expectancy and isn’t it funny the angel card I chose was “expectancy.” No lie! I have this optimistic expectancy about life itself. It is a true and pure feeling of being alive in the moment.  Nothing special has to be going on. It is just a pure connectedness to self. The awareness is so strong that you can see yourself almost as an outsider, and that is not always pleasant. But there is the beauty, because then you can really work on those areas that need improving. And let’s face it, no matter how together you think you are, there is always room for improvement. I believe that is the true fountain of youth. Because with improvement comes growth, and with growth comes change, and change is the only constant in life. How unfortunate and sad are those who are stuck in the revolving door of life? But my motto is and always will be “at any given moment you can make the change or changes you want.” As I often say, the beginning is always where you are and there is no better time than the moment you are in. Moon is in Capricorn, pay attention to the foundations of life. Peace, Sandra